‘Jokes’ Archives
A wife comes home after a night out with the girls..
A wife goes out for a night with the girls, telling her husband she'll be home around midnight. Midnight passes by, drinks are flowing, the girls are laughing and having a great time. At around 2:45 in the morning, drunk as hell, she finally gets a cab and makes her way back home. She gets to the front door and ever-so-gently nudges it open, [...]
Jokes of the day – Friday, June 10th, 2011
For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. My wife said, "Guess who I ran into today?" I said, "knowing your driving, my moneys on a bus stop full of people." TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog! My wife [...]
Expensive perfume
An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly [...]
Where is dad?
A boy goes to a strip club. Angry mum asks: did you see anything you were not supposed to see? Boy: yes, I saw dad..
The Best Knock Knock Joke EVER
This has got to be the worst knock knock joke ever told. That makes it the best knock knock joke ever told. As recited by my niece: Niece: Knock Knock. Me: Who’s there? Niece: Corn ‘N Mop. Me: Corn ‘N Mop Who? Pause. Beer shoots out of my nose.
Top Ten Dead Baby Jokes
What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage. How do you keep a baby from running in circles? Nail its other foot to the floor. What’s brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole. What sparks, is purple and bangs on glass? A baby in a microwave. What has four legs and an [...]
Top Ten Male Chauvinist Pig Jokes
Why don’t women need watches? There are clocks on the oven. Why don’t women go skiing? There is no snow in the kitchen. What do you tell your wife if she has a black eye? Nothing, you already told her. What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections? A whine and cheese party. How to you piss off [...]